Character 7: Losing People

As an introvert who enjoys people, I tend to collect them.

Not all are close friends. That would be impossible.

Yet, scores of casual acquaintances and activity-centered relationships are meaningful to me. Perhaps you count yourself among these.

The tough part is when people leave. They enter by the front door, stay for awhile, slip out the back -- occasionally without saying goodbye.

Here yesterday, gone today.

With some it's inevitable. College students graduate. Other folks move away or change life-stations. Some depart this earth permanently.

True Value

We're taught in the church -- rightly, in my view -- to hold lightly our worldly possessions. Cars, TV's, gadgets: these have no lasting value, and most veteran Christians could, if necessary, ditch them for a greater good.

But people are a sacred attachment. As divine image-bearers they represent God to us in some sense. They embody true, objective value. Thus their departure from our lives, in whatever form it takes, can leave us gasping for air.

As for myself, the terror of middle-age (and enjoying people) is the astonishing number of opportunities I'm given to say goodbye. To release people to their destinies and "move on." This I find difficult.

Character 6: Unholy Thoughts

Four ideas for cleansing the mind:

1. Don't feed the beast. My former pastor, Brian Myers, once included a cartoon in a sermon on purity which showed a sign next to some wild animals that read, "Don't feed the beasts."

The lesson was about cutting off nourishment to the sin nature (the beast) in each of us.

Turn off the TV and other media; avoid certain subject matter with certain people. Learn to say, "Don't go there."

2. Flee. Related to #1, Scripture tells us to run from temptation, avoiding situations that spur sinful impulses.*

In Daring to Draw Near, author John White pointed out that if King David had been leading his armies in battle rather than lounging about the royal palace, he'd have avoided a forbidden tryst with his neighbor's wife.**

Thus, one way to "flee" is to engage in productive activity.

3. Meditate. With the Psalmist who "meditates on his law day and night," memorize and recite favorite scriptures.

A good habit both for bedtime and "first thoughts" in the morning.***

4. Share. Two of my pals, Bill and Mark, share with me from the gut and bear my burdens (and I their's). Created in God's image, we are meant for community. Isolation breaks down discipline.


* Flee: I Corinthians 6:18, 10:14, 1 Timothy 6:11, 2 Timothy 2:22

** Daring to Draw Near, chapter 4

*** Mine include all or parts of Psalm 1, 23, 63, 130, John 15

photo credit:  http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/0/0b/Mammuthus_primigenius_fraasi.JPG 

Character 5: Four Acts of Prayer

Here is a simple way to bring balance and structure to your prayer life: the ACTS method. Maybe you've heard of it.


Adoration. Worshipping God for who he is. "Ascribe to the Lord the glory due his holy name" (Psalm 29:2).

Confession. "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins" (1 John 1:9).

Thanksgiving. "Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus" (1 Thessalonians 5:18).

Supplication (petitions). "In every situation, by prayer and petition . . . present your requests to God" (Philippians 4:6).

I find this simple liturgy to be a helpful corrective to merely asking God for things -- or failing to ask.

I wouldn't want the ACTS method to become a new law to obey. Rather, my hope is that you'll find freedom and grace inside a simple structure.

***

Which parts of prayer do you focus on most?

Which parts, if any, do you tend to neglect?


Quite a few years ago my friend Paul Manson taught me the ACTS method, which I've revived of late.

Character 4: Resting

I have trouble with Sabbath rest.

Due to the privilege of enjoying my work, it's often hard to stop.

When I do stop, I gravitate toward entertainment: movies, outings, golf -- each a definite change of pace from work.

The "Ping-Pong ball" doesn't stop, but bounces back and forth between work and play. That's me.

Sabbath rest just seems slippery. I'm a naturally motivated person. I like to achieve, attain, acquire, conquer, develop -- these are active verbs. Not exactly the ingredients of rest.

I like reading. But theology? Philosophy? That's my job. Spy novels? That's entertainment.

There goes the Ping-Pong ball again, back and forth, never at rest.

***

OK, maybe I'm not completely helpless. Here are three ideas:

1. Devotional reading. Reading that feeds the soul. Two authors I enjoy are Henri Nouwen and Eugene Peterson.

2. Prayer and a nap, followed by yard work.

3. A leisurely hike. Maybe with golf clubs in hand . . .  uhh, I'm conflicted about this.

***

This past year I memorized Psalm 1. Here the wise person meditates on God's law day and night and becomes like a tree planted by streams of water. That sounds restful.

How do you take Sabbath rest?


photo credit: http://www.northeastern.edu/seattle/ping-pong-table-unveiling/ping-pong-paddle-1934841/

Character 3: Looking Foolish

Recently I did something that made me look foolish in the eyes of some.

Intellectually, I have no regrets. It was the right thing to do.

Yet, I feel lingering embarrassment. Why is that?

And why am I reluctant to tell you what I did?

A colleague of mine, Doug, regularly places himself in risky ministry situations. Emotionally risky, that is. Often he comes off looking silly, then laughs at himself.

Maybe it's not that simple, however. At a seminar this summer, I saw him attempt an unscripted role-play in front of 60 peers. It bombed and Doug felt bad.

I and about 59 others were blessed, however -- and challenged, deeply, to follow his example.

******

OK, here's what I did. You pried it out of me:

At the end of a sermon I gave to a congregation of 700, I fell to my knees and begged them to get involved in the ministries of their own church, and not sit on the sidelines.

No big deal, right?

I know. That's what I keep telling myself.

Character 2: My Word

I married a person who's very precise about keeping her word.

She comes from a family that keeps its word. When they say they'll do something, the "something" will get done. 

"You can use my car that week" means: you actually can.

"I'll call you on Thursday" means: expect a call that day. Really.

I realize some people make promises to save the moment and make everyone feel good. This can result in disappointment down the road. 

Thus, "I'll be there for you" in your divorce or brush with the law or financial hardship or debilitating disease may very well mean nothing.

Idle commitments. Sentimental assurances. These do not impress me, especially when I hear them from my own lips.

Jesus had something to say about this:   


There was a man who had two sons. He went to the first and said, ‘Son, go and work today in the vineyard.’

“‘I will not,’ he answered, but later he changed his mind and went.

“Then the father went to the other son and said the same thing. He answered, ‘I will, sir,’ but he did not go.

“Which of the two did what his father wanted?”  (Matt 21:28-31)

***

I wish to be a person who keeps his word, perhaps beyond.

p.s. to Sarah: I will edit those docs -- as promised

photo credit http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/bf/Galician_vineyard_with_wide_vine_spacing.jpg

Character 1: Honesty

I heard my friend Val tell this arresting story at a seminar this summer:

Years ago, as a high school senior she'd been crossing a few ethical and life-style lines.

One was this:

Her parents kept cash in an envelop in the house, and she'd gotten into the habit of dipping in and helping herself -- without her parents' knowledge or permission.

Suspecting something was amiss, her folks began checking the balance in the envelope on a regular basis, then confronted Val with their findings.

The timing was awkward: in three weeks she was due to leave the nest for college. This was the culmination of her childhood. She'd been caught red-handed.

Her mom and dad drove her to college and moved her into the dorms. The last thing her father said was this:

Val, we've never worried about what you'd do in life. We know you'll be successful. What we're concerned about is who you're becoming as a person.

Then her folks left.

Val has told this story a hundred times in public. For some reason on this particular occasion, in a seminar where I sat spellbound, she cried. The memory was sharp, the pain still fresh, two decades after the matter.

***

I wonder at times who I'm becoming.

And you?


graphic credit: http://www.turbosquid.com/3d-models/cinema4d-graduation-cap/497227